Archive by Author

My Neighbor is a DSHAVER

28 Mar

 

My neighbor got some new vanity plates for his sweet Caddie.  I wonder if his girlfriend is a VSHAVER?  Is that wrong?

“Crack Ho”s and Flag Burners Still A-OK Under 1st Amendment

23 Mar

The First Amendment.  The favorite amendment of news reporters, flagburners and liberals reared its ugly head in Los Angeles this week.

 

Under pressure to rein in local Political shock-jocks John and Ken (KFI AM 640), and after consulting with their lawyers the City Council had to concede that America is still a free country.  After determining that the First Amendment still protects actual speech and not just charred flags and phots of the Virgin Mary with feces on it, the LA City Council called for radio outlets to put an end to racist and sexist language on the airwaves.  John and Ken were suspended by KFI for 7 days for calling Whitney Houston a “crack ho” shortly after her death.   The Roosters support free speech, but wish to publicly acknowledge that we also believe that Crack is Whack.

 

 

Elway simultaneously raises bar for Denver QB, lowers bar to marry daughter

21 Mar

Hall of Fame Quarterback and 2 Time NFL Superbowl Champ John Elway anncouned today that well-known mush mouth and 4 time NFL MVP and Superbowl Champ Peyton Manning would join the Denver Broncos as starting QB.  “WTF?” you say!  But the Broncos have Tim Tebow, the greatest thing since Jesus or the Beatles!  Well not for long.  But don’t feel too bad for Tebow, according to Elway: “Tim Tebow’s a great kid. If I want someone to marry my daughter, it’s him.”  “Tim is a great football player, but with the opportunity that presented itself here, we had to take advantage of that.”  So…let’s get this straight …its easier to get with Elway’s daughter than to get the starting QB position for his Broncos.  Ok, I respect that.  These football guys peak in their late twenties and spend their next 60 years in pain reliving the glory days.  But, if Elway is offering his daughter to the guy he is about to fire, what did he have to offer Peyton to come to Denver?  Do TELL.

Does America Need Another Chip Clip?

13 Mar

Although Mormon Mitt Romney has more primary delegates than Santorum, Gingrich and Ron Paul combined, none of them have plans to drop out any time soon.  I’m sure they are just waiting for the Evangelical Christians to convine all Republicans that Romney is the Great Satan.  Well, keep waiting because it hasn’t happened yet.  It looks like we are going to have to endure this primary for the long haul.  So what do you think Gringrinch and Santorum will do next to try to take down the front-runner?  It’s only a matter of time before these four white guys start to do what white guys always do in Republican primaries – blame the Doritos.  This bit from comedian Ryan Singer is classic.  Thanks Pandora for introducing it to me one night when I couldn’t sleep.

A Fat Bastard that Steals

9 Mar

Celebrity Chef and all around fat-a** Mario Batali (who wants a skinny chef anyway?) settled a class action lawsuit yesterday where he agreed to pay out $5.25 million to workers at a couple of his well know Manhattan restaurants – Babbo, Esca and Lupo.  Batali and his partner were accused of “misappropriating” [that means “stealing” for all of you that didn’t spend $75,000 for a totally awesome and really useful law degree] 4 to 5 percent of the wine and drink sales from the workers’ tip pool.  So this schlub that makes a small fortune between book deals, Food TV network shows and marking up the wine served in his restaurant by at least 300% decided that he wasn’t making enough?  To be fair, it is a lot easier to steal from waitresses, bartenders and busboys rather than actually write a new book or develop another TV show.  Fortunately for the busboys who I’m sure don’t speak no engless, waiters and bartenders aren’t known for taking a lot of crap.  The American Roosters’ cock-of-the-week award goes to Chef Batali for ripping off poor waiters and busboys.  And by the way, the pony-tail is really working for you.

See full article in the NY Post here.

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