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Mad Women

2 Apr

My wife woke me up this morning to inform me that she was going to be more like Betty Draper. I thought great, but then she explained what she meant. I laughed, but then she showed me this (please just click the link), said she was dead serious, and I threw up. Eating your placenta is the newest craze in the baby world, well that and regurgitating your baby’s food (thanks Alicia Silverstone).  I don’t know what grosses me out more.

The Wiener’s Circle

24 Mar

 

There’s nothing quite like boring old white people trying to understand black people, especially when it involves winning free hot dogs. TruTV’s The Wiener’s Circle is the most recent addition to America’s game show craze and it is bound to be a success; that is if anyone can actually locate what channel TruTV is on. I spent hours trying to find it the other day to watch some of the NCAA tournament, but I’ll try again if this is the high quality programming they’re offering. At best it will be something to pass the time until Jeff Foxworthy’s new show The American Bible Challenge hits the air. The only thing more entertaining than crazy black people are fanatical Christians. This show is going to be great. I’m just hoping Kirk Cameron makes an appearance.

KONY: Masturbation Meltdown

17 Mar

Only a week after sweeping the viral world off it’s feet and turning every college student and soccer mom into momentary political activists, Kony 2012’s co-creator Jason Russell was arrested for doing “the Pee Wee Herman.” Apparently the pressures of going viral got the best of him. What a pussy. You don’t see the Numa Numa kid cracking under the pressure of Internet fame, or Taiwanese Sensation Lin Yu Chun acting out (but damn that boy can sing). No, Russell just couldn’t handle it. Which is interesting because isn’t that what the video, and subsequent organization Invisible Children, all about; raising awareness and support?

According to Ben Keesey, CEO of Invisible Children, Russell’s masturbation was apparently caused by “exhaustion, dehydration, and malnutrition.” In that case I guess the whole thing makes sense.  We hope his recovery goes well so he can get back to kicking Kony’s ass. KONY 2012!

And in case you haven’t seen the video yet you can see it here.

A Thousand Words Too Many

10 Mar

Congratulations to Eddie Murphy and everyone involved with A Thousand Words. You’ve really out done yourself. Receiving a 0% on the TOMATOMETER at Rotten Tomatoes, A Thousand Words secures a place at the helm of the coveted list of the worst movies ever made. Joining such classics as Norbit, The Adventures of Pluto Nash, Meet Dave, Daddy Day Care, Nutty Professor II, Imagine That, Dr. Dolittle, I Spy, Bowfinger, and every other movie Eddie Murphy has done that isn’t Coming to America, 48 Hours and Trading Spaces.

Because Murphy didn’t have the sense to quit in 1989 and has continued destroying any hope of being remembered as a legend, he joins the following list of people who should have died in their prime:

Carrie Fisher: Princess Leia is really looking gross these days. Leia should have done herself in after the filming of Return of the Jedi in 1983.

OJ Simpson: From one of the greatest running backs ever to killing his wife, “The Juice” should have died around 1990.

Ozzy Osborne: “Mmsmdfm mm mamamym. Masmdadm” From being a metal god to mumbling about winning a free colonoscopy in NYC, Ozzy has lost it. He should have followed Randy Rhodes and died in 1982.

Kristie Alley: I can’t remember if she’s fat or skinny these days, but it doesn’t really matter. Ally hasn’t done a damn thing to help herself since the finale of cheers. That being said around 1993 would have been a good time.

Flavor Flav: From political badass rapper with Public Enemy to Brigitte Nielsen’s bitch, Flav lost all cred and therefore should have call it quits in the early nineties.

To bad they couldn’t be all like Billy Mays, and be remembered as greatest spokesman the world had ever seen. We miss you Billy.

Creed: The Resurrection

3 Mar


In light of recently forgotten, coked-out celebrities trying to restart their careers, Christian rockers Creed have returned to the stage. With a newly announced nationwide tour, Creed is officially back. No one is more excited about their resurrection than Kid Rock, this guy, and the millions of people who were too busy reading the ‘Left Behind‘ series to realize Scott Stapp is an asshole that hits girls. Stapp claims “Creed was ended by egos and people wanting to do their own thing and poor decision-making,” and that his “problems were not what ended Creed.” Sure Scott, the DUI’s, domestic violence, sex tape, and egotism had nothing to do with it. But that’s not why we hate you and your band. No rather here’s why:

 

If you were able to sit through the music video and honestly enjoyed it, please email me @ donovan.roosters@gmail.com. We need to talk.

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