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Gods Own Painter

9 Apr

The greatest painter the world has ever known died last week, leaving millions of soft focus paintings of little cottages for us to remember him by.  Like any true artist, Kincade had to fight through hard times.  An art school dropout from a broken home, Kinkade became a born-again Christian in 1980, and shortly afterwards started peddling his inspirational landscapes out of the trunk of his car.  Once the Lord was by his side, it was almost as if God became “his art agent”, supplying him with his best ideas.  One of those ideas was mass-marketing his canvases to the point that he has become recognized as the most-collected living artist — and one of the richest.  At one point, Kinkade’s factories churned out as many as 500 reproductions a day of his most beloved works, which then sold for thousands of dollars in Kinkade’s galleries. He became a best-selling author and inspirational speaker, and he designed a housing complex of $400,000 homes inspired by his paintings.  Suck on that Matisse.  Van Gogh would have cut off his schlong for those kind of numbers.  At the height of his popularity a decade ago, Kinkade was profiled in magazines as diverse as Christianity Today and the New Yorker, but in recent years financial troubles and bizarre behavior began overwhelming the idyllic images.  Kinkade was accused of behaving inappropriately with women and even urinating on a Winnie the Pooh figure at the Disneyland Hotel in Anaheim — an especially odd occurrence for a man who compared himself to Walt Disney, as well as Norman Rockwell, the illustrator of iconic Americana.  But all great artists have their dark side.  So I say farewell to you “Painter of Light”.  Enjoy your idyllic cottage in the sky.  Always may you have a fire in the chimney and a light in the window.

She Lost It

6 Apr

Mirlande Wilson just lost a Mega Millions Lotto ticket worth a couple hundred million dollars, which I’ll admit is kind of a bummer. But she still has her health. Let’s not forget that there are millions people around the country that are suffering from chronic illness right now. She has her seven children. As you are aware, millions of women around the US suffer from infertility and can never have children. And she has a job at McDonalds, despite the fact that millions of Americans today are out of work. The more I think about it, Mirlande Wilson is one of the luckiest people in this great nation, even if she did “misplace” about 14,000 years worth of her current salary.

Elton John Never Stops Giving

5 Apr

Earlier this week, Elton John and Channing Tatum got together on stage for a fundraising event to save the Rainforest. As you can see, the two performers are deeply passionate about arousing interest in the cause. Elton, who has already gotten behind several different charities, simply loves giving.  According to Elton, “The time for action is now” and Channing agrees. Channing adds, “If you really want to make a difference you have to go for it. Even if you know it is going to be hard, even if it hurts”.

Whitney’s Death Helps Boost Bobby’s Career.

4 Apr

No, not “my prerogotive” bobby brown, I mean Bobby Kristina Brown.  It turns out mom’s death is the best thing that could have happened to the young entertainer.  Following her appearance on Oprah last month, her career has really started to blossom.  The 19-year-old Brown will be a new addition to the TBS’ comedy “Tyler Perry’s For Better or Worse”.  Let me assure our Caucasian readers that this is indeed a big deal.  Some have criticized Bobby Kristina for moving into the entertainment world so soon after her mother’s death, but I for one am glad that she has stepped  up to carry the pipe torch.

Mad Women

2 Apr

My wife woke me up this morning to inform me that she was going to be more like Betty Draper. I thought great, but then she explained what she meant. I laughed, but then she showed me this (please just click the link), said she was dead serious, and I threw up. Eating your placenta is the newest craze in the baby world, well that and regurgitating your baby’s food (thanks Alicia Silverstone).  I don’t know what grosses me out more.

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