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“Crack Ho”s and Flag Burners Still A-OK Under 1st Amendment

23 Mar

The First Amendment.  The favorite amendment of news reporters, flagburners and liberals reared its ugly head in Los Angeles this week.


Under pressure to rein in local Political shock-jocks John and Ken (KFI AM 640), and after consulting with their lawyers the City Council had to concede that America is still a free country.  After determining that the First Amendment still protects actual speech and not just charred flags and phots of the Virgin Mary with feces on it, the LA City Council called for radio outlets to put an end to racist and sexist language on the airwaves.  John and Ken were suspended by KFI for 7 days for calling Whitney Houston a “crack ho” shortly after her death.   The Roosters support free speech, but wish to publicly acknowledge that we also believe that Crack is Whack.




2012 Bumper Stickers We Have Come So Far

20 Mar

One sad legacy of our Nation has been the ridiculous tendency to categorize humans into races on a quickly sliding scale of importance and ability (athletics aside). Now, a quick glance at the current options for bumper stickers reveals a more modern, refined and sensible relationship to peoples of darker skin colors, like ones who shouldn’t be reelected and ones who can only be understood and helped by WASPy Facebook users furiously sharing and “liking.”

Look how far we have come. Fredrick Douglass, Martin Luther King and Rosa if you could only see us now!

KONY: Masturbation Meltdown

17 Mar

Only a week after sweeping the viral world off it’s feet and turning every college student and soccer mom into momentary political activists, Kony 2012’s co-creator Jason Russell was arrested for doing “the Pee Wee Herman.” Apparently the pressures of going viral got the best of him. What a pussy. You don’t see the Numa Numa kid cracking under the pressure of Internet fame, or Taiwanese Sensation Lin Yu Chun acting out (but damn that boy can sing). No, Russell just couldn’t handle it. Which is interesting because isn’t that what the video, and subsequent organization Invisible Children, all about; raising awareness and support?

According to Ben Keesey, CEO of Invisible Children, Russell’s masturbation was apparently caused by “exhaustion, dehydration, and malnutrition.” In that case I guess the whole thing makes sense.  We hope his recovery goes well so he can get back to kicking Kony’s ass. KONY 2012!

And in case you haven’t seen the video yet you can see it here.

Does America Need Another Chip Clip?

13 Mar

Although Mormon Mitt Romney has more primary delegates than Santorum, Gingrich and Ron Paul combined, none of them have plans to drop out any time soon.  I’m sure they are just waiting for the Evangelical Christians to convine all Republicans that Romney is the Great Satan.  Well, keep waiting because it hasn’t happened yet.  It looks like we are going to have to endure this primary for the long haul.  So what do you think Gringrinch and Santorum will do next to try to take down the front-runner?  It’s only a matter of time before these four white guys start to do what white guys always do in Republican primaries – blame the Doritos.  This bit from comedian Ryan Singer is classic.  Thanks Pandora for introducing it to me one night when I couldn’t sleep.

So Far This Week…

7 Mar


Tim Tebow:  Passed on Taylor Swift and the Bachelor. The only thing this guys can’t pass is a football.





Mike Seaver: Still annoying Carol and the Gays. Piers Morgan did defend Sever’s right to make these comments… after he saw that he finally got some good ratings





Paula Deen: Uses the “N” word as frequently as she does butter. I don’t care how much fried chicken she has made in her life, she still shouldn’t use that word.




Team Romney: Claims “only an act of God” could stop him from becoming the Republican nominee.  Yes an act of God or your wife making one more comment about how she’s not rich.





Jesus: Appears on a tortilla





Justin and Selena: Are looking to buy a nice house to fornicate in. What I would give for one night with that perfect ass… don’t worry I can say that now, he turned 18 this week.

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